don't shoot bigfoot in Skamania County (Washington)

Skamania County is a beautiful little gem of a place in south-central Washington. It's long been a hotbed of sightings of various alleged Yeti, and if you've lived in the Pacific Northwest long enough you know someone who's seen Bigfoot. I will leave the question of Bigfoot's existence, and all the current controversy of those jokers in Georgia has made for some significant controversy about Bigfoot. See, the County of Skamania has outlawed hunting of the Great Hairy Apes, which should help people who post to Something Awful feel much safer there. Thus, submitted for your approval, County of Skamania Ordinance 1984-2:

COUNTY OF SKAMANIA ORDINANCE NO. 1984-2
PARTIALLY REPEALING AND AMENDING ORDINANCE NO. 1969-01

WHEREAS, evidence continues to accumulate indicating the Possible existence within Skamania County a nocturnal primate mammal Variously described as an ape-like creature or sub-species of Homo Sapiens; and
WHEREAS, legend, purported recent findings, and spoor support This possibility; and WHEREAS, this creature is generally and commonly known as “Sasquatch”, “Yeti”, “Bigfoot”, or “Giant Hairy Ape”, all of which terms may be hereinafter be used interchangeably; and WHEREAS, publicity attendant upon such real or imagined findings And other evidence have resulted in an influx of scientific investigators as well as casual hunters, most of which are armed with lethal weapons; and
WHEREAS, the absence of specific national and state laws restricting the taking of specimens has created a dangerous state of affairs within this county in regard to firearms and other deadly devices used to hunt the Yeti and poses a clear and present danger to the safty of the well-being persons living or traveling within the boundries of this county as well as to the Giant Hairy Apes themselves; and
WHEREAS, previous County Ordinance No. 1969-01 deemed the slaying of such creature to be a felony (punishable by 5 years in prison) and may have exceeded the jurisdictional authority of that Board of County Commissioners; now, therefore BE IT HEREBY ORDAINED BY THE BOARD OF COUNTY COMMISSIONERS OF SKAMANIA COUNTY that a portion of Ordinance No. 1969-1, deeming the slaying of Bigfoot to be a felony punishable by 5 years in prison, is hereby repealed and in its stead the following sections are enacted: SECTION 1. Sasquatch Refuge. The Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot, or Giant Hairy Ape are declared to be endangered species of Skamania County and there is hereby created a Sasquatch Refuge, the boundaries of which shall be co-extensive with the boundaries of Skamania County.

SECTION 2. Crime-Penalty. From and after the passage of this ordinance the premeditated, willful, or wanton slaying of Sasquatch shall be unlawful and shall be punishable as follows: (a) If the actor is found to be guilty of such a crime with malice aforethought, such act shall be deemed a Gross Misdemeanor. (b) If the act is found to be premeditated and willful or wanton but without malice aforethought, such act shall be deemed a Misdemeanor. (c) A gross misdemeanor slaying of Sasquatch shall be punishable by 1 year in the county jail and a $1,000.00 fine, or both. (d) The slaying of Sasquatch which is deemed a misdemeanor shall be punishable by a $500.00 fine and up to 6 months in the county jail, or both.

SECTION 3. Defense. In the prosecution and trail of any accused Sasquatch killer the fact that the actor is suffering from insane delusions, diminished capacity, or that the act was the product of a diseased mind, shall not be a defense. SECTION 4. Humaniod/Anthropoid. Should the Skamania County Coroner determine any victim/creature to have been humanoid the Prosecuting Attorney shall persue the case under existing laws pertaining to homicide. Should the coroner determine the victim to be an anthropoid (ape-like creature) the Prosecuting Attorney shall proceed under the terms of this ordinance.

BE IT FUTHER ORDAINED that the situation existing constitutes an emergency and such this ordinance shall become effective immediately upon its’ passage.

the first post of a blog...

is always some sort of awkward dipping of one's toe in the water, or an introduction. i'm going to aim for a combination of the two.

my blog doesn't have a mission statement. it's not Six Sigma certified. it's mostly about the intersections of gender, sex, sexual orientation, disability, and the law, but that's not all it's about. i can demistify pesky parking ordinances, and also sometimes i'll even talk about other things. right about now i'm thinking about beer and cheese. it's supposed to be varied. it's also my journal for public consumption so you might occasionally have to deal with me stumping for something.

so hi, i'm Gwen. or professionally, G. A. Cadogan, please. i'm in my early 30s, i'm a librarian and a paralegal and i'm headed to law school in fall 2009. i'm what people politely refer to as an "independent spirit." i'm queer and disabled and chances are this is why this is my area of legal interest, but i've always been a big believer in pulling for the downtrodden anyways. i tend to ride Uncle Ron's Limo and end up being one of those people who defends social progress in Seattle no matter how much it feels like it's a lost cause sometimes.